The third letter to Chinese students - success, confidence, happiness

 Third letter to the Chinese students
successful, confident, happy
Kai-fu Lee

Previously, many Chinese students and I are focusing on how to achieve good communication and excellence, and how will start to become leaders. Recently, a chat room on Sina.com, and I received many emails, I found that more Chinese students need to know not how from good to great, but how to positive from confusion, from failure to success, from inferiority to self-confidence, from melancholy to joy, from fear to optimism.
An extreme example is the February 2004 took place in Yunnan University Majiajue events. Majiajue brutally murdered his four classmates . But Ma Jiajue arrest conversation with the psychologist's opinion, he should not be an evil person, but a lost, lack of self-confidence, character enclosed children. He and many college students, eager to know how to successful, confident and happy.
my letter is for those who want to succeed but that the success of reach, but always eager to self-pity self-confidence, desire happiness but happiness of the mass of students do not know to read. hope that this letter would give the reader a new one on the definition of success, encouraging readers to understand and recognize themselves to be a happy person. also hope that this letter will help readers understand the success, confidence, happiness is a virtuous cycle: from success in can be confident and happy, where you can be happy from the self-confidence and success, from success and happiness where you can be confident.
success is to be the best American writer William
your own. Faulkner said: Do not make every effort to compete with your colleagues. you should care about is that you stronger than you now. ; success personal wealth as an indicator. But with the best results can contribute to society? Yes fame certainly happy?
true success should be diversified. success may be that you create a new wealth or technology, may be brought happiness for others you may be on the job you get the trust of others may also find the back of your self, inoffensive way of life. each person's success is unique. So, Ling Zhijun in its explore their goals and interests, efforts to pursue progress, so that my every day better than yesterday.
successful first step: take aim in life, be a proactive person
Sina chat room, When friends ask what my goal in life, I was so answered: world and help future generations, allowing them to enjoy better, more efficient, can bring them happiness and joy. gave up work in the United States and moved to China was founded Microsoft Research China, it is because I feel that the latter have a greater influence of work, and my goal in life is more consistent. In addition, when I received a letter sealed confused Student letter, write them a letter, I would think:
Majiajue also realize his goal in life, but unfortunately he was arrested after the incident realize. He said: that is the meaning of life in the end I think what is the purpose? hh things in the future, at this moment I see, I was wrong. In fact, the meaning of life is that there really is. the aim in life, he would ask yourself before anything silly, and full of love of parents, sister, how would think of this? so, he may not go astray by.
So, whether it is for the truth, In order to influence, or for pleasure, family, morality, tranquility, knowledge, innovation hh Once the goals in life, you can target, like me, under the guidance of life, decisively and make major life decisions. each person goal in life is unique. The most important thing is, you have to take the initiative to take their own life goals. But do not be rushed, not in pursuit of so-called
So, how to find your goal? many of my classmates asked me what their goals that? I can not answer, because only one person can tell what your goal in life, that person is yourself. There is only one where you can find your target, that is your heart.
I suggest you close your eyes, the first one comes in your mind the ideal record, as the answer without thinking is the most sincere. or you can also look back at your happiest, most rewarding time, the existence of certain common? they are probably the most motivating your life goal. Furthermore, you can imagine that fifteen years later, when you reach the perfect state of life, what kind of environment you will be in? what kind of work? One of the most fun thing is what? Of course, you may wish to talk about family and friends, listen to their views.
successful second step: to try new areas to explore your interests
yourself to be the best, the most important thing is to play to their full potential, pursue the most interesting and the most passionate thing . When you are interested in a certain area, you will be walking to class or taking a bath when they never forget it, you're in the area easier to be successful. Furthermore, if you have passion in this area, you may it sleepless nights, even when you think of an idea to sleep, will jump. this time, you are no longer working for success, but to
relatively speaking, not interested in doing their own things only half done, there may be nothing. Even if you rely on intelligence or talent to do it well, you definitely do not release all of the potential. Therefore, I do not agree with each students are chasing the most popular professional, I think that everyone should understand their interests, passion and ability (that is, emotional intelligence has said the potential.
Bill. Gates said: we can see his interest in software technology and passion .1977 years because the love of the software, Bill. Gates to give up mathematics. If he left school at Harvard to continue reading and become a professor of mathematics, can you imagine his potential will be suppressed to what degree? 2002, Bill. Gates, Microsoft's 25 years in leadership, but decided the CEO job to Steve Ballmer, because the only way he can participate in the work of his favorite mm as chief software architect, specializing in software technology innovation. Although the Bill. Gates was a great CEO, but when he he was named chief software architect, he was the technical direction of the company made a significant contribution to and, more importantly, he is more passion, more happiness, and which also inspired the morale of all employees.
Bill. a good friend of Gates, America's most outstanding investors, Warren. Buffett also recognized the importance of passion. When a student asked him the direction, he always would reply: . If you want me to give you advice, that this is the best advice I can give you a. not vulgar, unified fame, their fame is their vision and passion can bring. a well-known American SEM has done a survey and found that while most students want to chase fame and fortune in the admission, but alumni with the most fame in, 90% of the ideal pursuit of admission, rather than chasing fame.
I entered the university, to engage in legal or political work. a year later I found myself to it is not interested only in the middle grades. but I fell in love with computers, programming a day frantically, and soon caught the teacher, the students attention. Finally, one day sophomore year, I made a major decision: to abandon more than a year after the nation's top three in the Faculty of Law at Columbia University has cultivated itself into the credits transferred to Columbia University, an obscure computer system. I told myself, life only once, should not be wasted in the absence of joy, no sense of accomplishment in the field. at that time a friend said to me, will pay a lot of change in professional costs, but I told them that there is no passion to do a job will pay a higher price. That day, I elated spirits, I promise to myself, three university should take in each subject is the day the decision of A. If, today, I would not have in the computer industry's achievements, and I probably just a small town in the United States is neither successful nor happy to be a lawyer.
Even so, the passion of my career and my father is far compared. I have always thought his father was a stern man to see his father's favorite until last year the two students (who are now professors ), I know how much my father loved his work. his students told me: on us to spend time and money, far more than his meager income. Students found in his drawer he encouraged his two sentences: favorite.
So, how to find interest and passion? First, you must separate the interests and talents. do you have the talent to do easy achievements, but do not because they do well to think that interest you lies. To find the true interest and passion, you can ask yourself: for something, you are eager to repeat it, whether happily and successfully complete it? you have been longing for the past is not it? it can be quickly to learn it? it always makes you satisfied? you sincerely from the heart (not just from my mind) love it? you the happiest thing in life and it is not relevant? When you ask yourself, Note Do not expect your parents, social values and the influence of friends into your answer.
clear if you can answer these questions, then you are lucky, because most of the students in the university four years in exploring or remorse. If you have yet to find answers to these questions, I have only one suggestion: give yourself the opportunity to reach up to a maximum of choice. I remember I first entered the Carnegie. Mellon's doctoral program, the school has a mechanism allow students to pick the teacher. in the first month, each teacher so that the stops to attract students to do the whole body. It is because of this mechanism, I was lucky enough to meet my mentor, Professor Reddy, select the topic of my Ph.D. speech recognition. , club activities, friends, communication, e-mail and other ways to find hobbies. Only you can try to touch, you can only try to find your favorite.
Ya-Qin Zhang of my colleagues once said: people must be wise. they will not lose, because even if they succeed, they would learn lessons. Therefore, only those who dare to try, is an absolute failure. vision, not only to get lessons learned from, but also to find where their interests.
successful third step: for interest, set milestones, a step forward
find your interest, the next step to do is the development of specific milestones toward their own ideals Yibubuxiang.
First, you should objectively assess their own interests and ideals from the still badly what? is a need to learn a lesson, read a book, make a more sociable person, control your temper or become a better speaker? fifteen years became the best of their own today and what is the difference? or otherwise? you should try to fill these gaps. For example, When I decided to make my life purpose is to maximize my influence, I found that my lack of speech and communication skills. I used to be an embarrassing and talk to people on stage will fear speaking students. I do When TA was especially poor, students and even took me a > Second, you should be set phase, the specific objectives, and then give full play to the traditional Chinese virtues mm hard, up and perseverance to complete the goal. For example, I demand of myself to do two speeches a month, and each time To my classmates or friends to sit, give me feedback. I promise to myself, do not rehearse three times, and never came speech. I demand of myself a month to listen to lectures, ask for advice to the excellent speakers. One speaker taught me several ways to overcome fear, he said, if you look at the eyes of the audience will be tense, you can see the audience's head, and the audience will still think you look at their faces, in addition, do not take the hands of the best The paper takes boxing to come as a trembling hand to the attention of the audience will not. When I repeated practice speaking skills, I discovered a lot of their tips, such as: no script, through story-telling way to express the time I will perform better, so I still prepared speech but only when used in rehearsal; I found my ability to answer questions beyond my ability to speak, so I usually stay for the time required to answer questions; I found myself not interested in can not say something good, so I will not promise that I am not interested about the subject. A few years later, the people around me Doukua my speech well, and some even think I was born a good speaker, in fact, I just practice hard the Chinese people, up and only the traditional virtues such as perseverance.
any target must be realistic, measurable goals, not just stay in the ideological slogans or empty talk. The purpose of setting goals is to progress and do not measure you can not know whether they made progress. So, you have to abstract, and can not be implemented, measurable goals can not be simplified into practical, measurable small goals. For example, a few years ago, I have a goal is to expand my network of people in the company, but objectives. So, I ask themselves, week with one meal, one meal and then understanding. weekly meal expansion.
the development of specific goals must be realistic about their capabilities. goal setting too high of course unrealistic, but the goal must not set too low. on target and timely adjustments to be done: if you exceed your own expectations, can be expected to improve; If you do not meet their expectations, can be expected to reduce. to reach a goal, you can then develop more challenging goals; fails to embrace that, conscientiously sum up the lessons.
Finally, time to remind students, the goal is yours, only you know what he wants. to develop the most appropriate target, take the initiative to upgrade themselves and improve the process in an objective measure of progress, in order to be successful, you can become better themselves.
consciously self-confidence self-confident and not arrogant
who dare to try new areas, can more quickly develop their interests and talents, more likely to succeed. self-confident people are more happy, because he will not the constant fear and beware of failure.
many people think that confidence is a success. a student was the first old, he had confidence. an employee is always being promoted, he also has confidence. But this is only successful and unified unified self-confidence.
fact, confidence is not necessarily a good thing. do not feel confident will be proud of, it will lose the respect and trust of others. good self-confidence is self-conscious, that is clear that he can do, can not do . conscious self-confidence, his probability of success is very large; conscious people do not self-confident, he can try, but the risk will be frank and tell others. conscious people do not need to enhance self-confidence through success, and will not loss of confidence due to failure.
confident first step: Do not underestimate yourself, give yourself pep
. For example, Majiajue said: .
confidence is confidence in your abilities secret. China is an old proverb: . I remember when I was 11-year-old arrived in the United States, could not understand a word of English in class, and once the teacher asked, 1 / 7 and sent me to participate in math competitions, math camp encouraged me to join to help students learn mathematics. her encouragement and recognition of the students gave me confidence. I began to tell myself that I have a math talent. At this time, I especially want to learn English, because the only way to learn more math. this kind of education means not only improved my confidence and helped me in every respect has made considerable progress.
Chinese-style education that human growth is continually overcome shortcomings of the process, so the teacher more in the criticism of students, for students to make up for the worst of the subjects. Although each subject should have learned Roper recently out of a best-selling book the place is less than good enough, There are many examples of self-confidence by: Microsoft Asia Academy of Engineering, Chiang Chang said he grew up, well But it gave me confidence. This is the happiest of my life experience, strength exudes a charming, has continued to this day. I found the whole secret of genius, in fact, only six words: Do not underestimate yourself . . To get confident, you must become your best cheerleaders, may wish to think about before going to sleep every night, nothing happened today, you pride yourself? you get a good result? you help others? What is beyond the your expectations? who praise you? I believe everyone can find a successful day thing, you will gradually find that these > there is a well-known coaches before each game always requires recalls his favorite team a game. He even let the game players and the most proud of an action (such as the clenched fist) linked so that each do their own this action, they will subconsciously think of pride thing, and then repeated before each game to make this motion in order to more cheer for you, make friends, and more memorable past success, do not underestimate yourself.
the second step of self-confidence: with determination, courage, self-confidence from the success in obtained from increasing failure in the conscious
when you feel confident, no matter how small the success, you will particularly look forward to once again be their own or other people's positive, then you need to have enough willpower. as long as you have the stamina, will, like Zhou said, anything as long as I work hard, we will be able to do well. you can learn anything you want to learn, this is not the problem you can not learn, but you want to learn. If you have things their own hands strong desire, you will have a spirit of persistence, especially when you are ordinary people. , in addition to perseverance, but you need courage. I used to work, there is no problem of communication in general, but to the president before, always afraid to speak, for fear wrong thing. until one day, to do the restructuring of the company, President convened ten more than one person meeting, he asked each person speak in turn. I thought, since some talk about it as the truth be told. So I bravely said: However, the efficiency of our poor than anyone else, because the restructuring of our day, regardless of the feelings and thoughts to the staff hh that was really good, really wish I had your courage to say. fear of speaking in front of anybody. This example fully confirmed, not just by Pifuzhiyong thing to do is doomed to failure. But when you fear failure, we might think about what you are afraid of losing? the worst fate that? you can not accept it? In the above example, if the president denied my opinion, he will not respect me? not only not others is likely to think that I am ambitious. Moreover, conscious people learn from failure to recognize that they are not fit to do something, and then upgrade their conscious. So do not fear failure, as long as you do the force, willing to challenge their own limits, you should be proud of their courage.
a confident and conscious, and if they will bravely try new things and perseverance to do it well, where he will gain confidence from the success from failure in the increase of consciousness.
confident the third step: consciously set specific objectives, with an open mind to listen to other people's assessment of training
self-confidence but also set specific goals, step by step forward. These goals must be measurable. I had left before I speak in the example of President told my daughter to listen to, because her teacher thought she was shy in school do not raise their hands to speak, I want to encourage her courage to speak. She agreed to try, but she believed that only at the appropriate time, there are only willing to speak the best advice. But I think with the ; this subjective assessment, the target is difficult to measure. So, she and I developed a measurable, realistic goals: one hand she held a day and if you have one month bonus. Then, we slowly increase the lift the number of hands. A year later, the teacher noticed that she had enough confidence to speak the classroom.
self-confidence not paranoid, does not allow their own mistakes, or excessive self-centered, loss of an objective position. I have very smart colleagues, look for his life, months ago he would have said that. but because he was confident almost to live, once a statement that he was wrong, he would say so outright, or simply denied. Although his accuracy Up to 95%, but 5% of the error so that he lost his credibility and the respect of others. This example tells us that pride of self-confidence or unconsciously self-confidence self-confidence even more dangerous than not.
conscious emotional intelligence in two two levels: both for themselves and the environment Jieneng to master the objective and subjective situation. There conscious people will not unduly self-criticism, and will not naively optimistic, they can objectively assess their own. Therefore, they would face frank their ability to limit and will not easily accept their own ability to work outside. Of course, they are still willing to accept challenges, but will accept the challenge to do an objective risk assessment. such a person not only for their frank and honest to others also. honest people will face defeat and the trust, because they know you accept the lesson. honestly face their shortcomings will get the respect of others, because they know you will not be presumptuous. Therefore, conscious people tend to be successful, it easy self-confidence.
conscious people not only fair to yourself, but also the initiative to ask people around to their criticism and feedback. They understand that although he is very conscientious, but others saw themselves as more important. On the one hand, others more objective in the eyes of their own, on the other hand, others saw their real existence of their own (in social, school or company in the eyes, you're wrong. So, you must understand and accept an open mind the ideas of others, but also with other people's ideas as the ultimate goal. For example, my daughter can assess their everyday speech, but in the end only when teachers and students that she was a cheerful, with the idea of a student, she reached the final goal.
get candid feedback, especially negative feedback is not easy. So, you'd better have Some brave and sincere good friends, and they are willing to speak the truth to you in private. Of course, the negative feedback you can not have any complaints, or you to hear the truth of the future. In addition to the feedback in private, but in the U.S. companies, there is a You still need to improve in certain areas, such allegations or boss than your own views more persuasive. While in school, no such formal investigation, but you can still best way to understand your ideas on others. I father always taught us to seek the things to the public, this means open minded, not to Wells Sky, limited his vision.
Majiajue said: He trusted the students to verify, he may find himself unjustly students may find that staggered a friend, confirmed that the students might actually look down on him and understand why, then self-improvement. frank exchange and perhaps can be a true friend Ma Jiajue help avoid tragedy.
conscious people have set realistic goals for themselves, an objective measure of their own, and will ask others to help evaluate. so people can continue to enhance their self-confidence and self-confidence to avoid the development of pride.

happy is more important than the scientific proof of success: a good mood to play the most potential; happiness can improve the efficiency, creativity and the probability of correct decisions; happy people have an open mind, willing to help others . but not so much happy to bring success, not as good as that is to bring happiness and success achieved. I suggested that students pursue their own ideals and interests, in fact, do their own ideal, are interested in is a happy thing. So, happy More than success should be our ultimate goal.
happy the first step: to accept your parents, the environment, their total
unhappy people helpless to do some sulk, do not like their parents and teachers, do not want to read boring books, do not want to deal with them. For these helpless, and I hope that students can learn to accept them calmly.
at all The most accepted is to be parents. there are many students said: is to avoid them, more and more lonely. parents grow in different environments, different ways of thinking, their definition of success may also be different on your expectations and your own expectations have a greater difference. but their way of life You went fairly long, experience than you rich, you can not preconceived to exclude them. In addition, you must understand that parents are in the world who loves you, they are the only people who pay for you unconditionally, you should unconditionally accept your parents. for their children often to over-idealize their parents, and neglect the vast majority of parents in their growth environment, we are more scarce than, less than, they may not have the opportunity to learn how to be a good parents, but their conditions, but also best. If we despise, reject their parents, we would be disrespectful of their source of life, how to be happy?
Second, you can try to change to parents, but you should first ask that you understand and accept your parents? you can understand parents thinking? expect when you complain about your parents always perfect, do not you also in the hope that parents perfect? Ling Zhijun suggested that: You should let parents know that you expected of them. to mutual understanding, perhaps you ...